I haven't felt like blogging in a long time. I still don't feel like actually it's due to many things. Firstly I've been crazy busy with this EPII thing I've been busy with baby shower, full time job and I'm going through pretty bad hormonal emotional outbursts. I can't stand anything or anyone I think i may have nervous breakdown. I'm completely upset that the baby room hasn't even been started yet and I'm finding that the "nesting" syndrome pregnant women experience is real. I can't stop myself from crying at every little thing. I'm very irritable. I'm no fun to be with at all. I don't want to do the EPII stuff anymore and I feel terribly guilty and like I have given up. I'm feeling so overwhelmed. I can't think of preparing anything for the baby's arrival because I'm preoccupied with meeting deadline's and assignments. I don't have the energy to do both jobs and keep a clean home. I don't even cook at all, not like I ever did at all. I'm worried about what type of mother I will be if I give up so easily with my responsibilities. I don't know if I'll be a good mother at all. I had to consult my OB to find out if it was normal to feel the way I do because I hear you get distracted and absentminded and it is so hard to focus on assignments after a full day of work and i don't have the energy for the Follow ups and the clients deserve a better teacher then my inadequate self. My husband doesn't seem to understand my emotional state, my inability to remain focused and I don't want to keep blaming the pregnancy but the OB said I do need to take it easy so I'm not so hard on myself anymore. She said I need to put the baby first. I'm so emotional right now. I'm at work right now, was barely able to sleep for more then 2 hours and I want to go home and sleep I feel like I have a hangover. This is me complaining and I hate it. I love being pregnant it's the best thing ever, this third trimester however, has snuck up on me and I can't believe what a roller coaster of emotional highs and lows I've been experiencing. I don't even want to blog about it because I shouldn't be complaining at all and maybe that's why I avoid blogging because it's not fair to complain since this is what I've wanted most in my whole life. I'm fine I'm just having a moment and tomorrow I will feel better.
I want to sleep. I'm so tired. I want my husband to understand and be more supportive but he's only human himself and can only do so much and he does try but I wish he was better at it. I can't judge him cause he tries his best but he doesn't get it sometimes and i just want to grab him and shake him up. Oh anyway I better stop this is a ridiculous post and I'm not even sure why I've even bothered to post. maybe i won't press publish or maybe I will. sorry.
2 comments:
Sorry you are having such a tough time right now. I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must feel. I understand that you need more rest in that last trimester. I hope you can get it soon. I am sure it is so hard to balance all that you have on your plate right now.
The baby will be fine if the nursery isn't perfect, but I have a feeling you and your husband will make it perfect just as you always dreamed.
Sending prayers your way. Is there any way for you to get some respite now, at least from the f/u and classes for EPII? Will you have some time off for after the baby arrives? Wishing you the very best and don't worry about complaining, we all need an outlet to express our joys and our struggles.
I understand. I got that pregnancy brain right away. I was in the clouds all the time. It was wild. I never believed it until I experienced it.
I understand. Not to mention the fact that you have been growing a baby for the last many months. It takes a lot out of you. Don't worry about complaining. I think all of your complaints are justified. Not that I am God or anything! :)
Maybe you should put down some of your responsibilities of EPII if you can. Focus on the new life you are about to bring in the world.
Hang in there Momma!!
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