I have a friend/co-worker who is a non practicing christian from another denomination. She is currently struggling with secondary infertility. Today she told me she has just done another round of I..U.I. (she has been trying for over a year now, her first is the same age as my first child)Her first child was conceived by the same method. She suffers from P.C..O.S. She knows of my previous infertility struggles and my miscarriages and I have spoken to her about what I am doing about Na.pro and Crei.g.hton etc...she however has never really asked nor inquired about it for herself. I haven't told her or have suggested to her to give it a try. I've shared my experience because i wanted her to see without imposing that there are other ways and methods to help her conceive. We rarely speak about religion. With that being said, when she told me she did I.U..I i replied to her that I'm praying and crossing my fingers for her. She responded that she wasn't too hopeful. Normally i would continue to encourage someone in this same situation (that also shared the same faith) to pray and to try to leave it in God's hands and that I would pray for her to find consolation despite what may happen. In this case however I couldn't find the words to console her after she had mentioned she was less hopeful this time. I can see she is suffering. I told her I was praying and she said thanks but I'm not sure what I can do and say to make her feel better. I know not much can be said but still i felt like i should say more for some reason.
Maybe I'm not believing in my own prayer. I don't want to see her suffer I'd rather see people happy, but I know that that is not what this life is about. I was reading up on the Peace of Christ and upon reading on it I saw and was reminded that peace isn't just about there not being a war nor having any sufferings. The peace of Christ comes into our suffering to console us, His peace, when we accept it, brings us peace during these tough moments we experience, peace while carrying our cross. This peace, which we can only receive from Him, brings hope so we don't despair
I wish her peace through this time, I wish her to be consoled for her to meet with our Lord Jesus Christ and experience the gift of Peace He offers us. I want to speak to her as i would speak to a fellow practicing Christian, but i lack the ability and the wisdom. Maybe its even fear of looking and sounding ridiculous and so I hold back and all i can do is just pray for her. I wonder if maybe God wants me to announce Him to her, but I'm not able to, i lack discernment. I'm unable to evangelize i just don't want to look like the fool, this is what the devil probably wants me to feel, like the fool for announcing Christ.
The other day my brother, who is so outgoing and in your face about Jesus (always speaks about him without even thinking who he's talking to that i get so emberrased)came up to another friend of mine and I while we were on break (he works in the same building as me). I had just introduced him and he started talking about Jesus and how he's going through such a hard time b/c he's going through a break up and how Jesus is the only one helping him and how our hearts are so dark without him and he went on about how he gets his strength from Jesus and he's only able to see him because he's in the pit of darkness where Jesus is his only light at the moment since nothing else has consoled him. All the meanwhile i'm shocked and emberrassed b/c i'm unsure as to how my friend will react. To my surprise she was right in there hearing him out and saying you are right etc... i knew she was catholic but we never spoke about Jesus in such details. I don't even know where she is in her faith nor have ever bothered to find out. I guess i'm just getting to know myself and how weak I am, how selfish and how i want to save face so I don't speak of Christ to anyone outside of the catholic practising community. How pathetic i am, after all Christ has done for me, I am emberrased to announce His love for me and for all. It's quite crazy to see how b/c of fear of looking like a fool I refrain from talking about Christ. My coworkers know i'm a christian and catholic and that i pray, but that's it, it ends there. I try to remember to be a Christian at work but sometimes i mess that up too.
My faith in Christ consoles me, in my darkest moments it brings me hope, i'm not perfect in faith yet but it's those moments of suffering that help me see Christ as my saviour and I thank God He is there when i most need Him that He has not abandoned me even though i fail Him, even though I am still a great sinner.
I heard that Ghan.di once said "if it weren't for.Christians, I'd be a.Christian"
not sure if those were his direct words but that makes me think how little Ghan.di understood the mercy of our God and His love for the sinner.
No comments:
Post a Comment