My line of work requires me to review files with people's life history in them. You can not imagine the stuff that some of these people have gone through! Sometimes I just have to step away to not get so depressed. Ever since having children, i have become so sensitive to incidents of abuse or neglect or any suffering that has come upon a child! I often wonder was it that I never had feelings before I had children? was I really that insensitive to other people's struggles/ sufferings? What was wrong with me. Maybe it's because I imagine it to be my child I presume. The devil is quick to show me via my line of work "where is God" in all this? But I must remain hopeful and not lose sight of God's love even though there is much evil in this world. After reading these files, I feel God is asking me to pray for them, because really, rather than get depressed and lose hope, I should be seeing it as an opportunity to pray for them. I can not get in despair when I know Christ has come to save us and He has died for all and He has loved us as we are, poor, weak sinful human beings!
Anyway just needed a break from this work. So hard to be at work and leave my little one's behind. I pray this is His will for me right now. Oh how I struggle with knowing what to do, how to be a good enough mother and a good enough wife and a good enough Christian period.
1 comment:
I understand your struggles! I'm not enough and I just need to face it. I'm trying to ignore the "guilt".....It's not from God. Obviously, he knows I'm a pathetic human being but saw fit to bless me with a baby. :)
I have some experience with abuse. I would have rather not have had to experience it. But in the end, looking back, it formed me in good ways and bad. But I think the good wins in this situation. Good things come out of horror. Obviously, I do not know what you are reading, but I know in my situation, what I went through made me who I am today. But that is good intense therapy talking! LOL It's a cross. I don't wonder where God was in the situation as I know He never left my side, even though, at the time I did not know it. :)
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