"Life belongs to God" is haunting me.
I was told today that my progesterone levels have dropped. They used to be 66 (canadian standards) and is now 55. I know it used to be 20 in US standards, but I don't know what that means now. My beta is up to 6800 (from the previous 4000 taken about more then a week ago)
I was feeling horrible nausea this morning at work and ended up throwing up in the bathroom stall. I felt queasy all day and smells bother me. The only constant feeling I have is that of lethargic, lingering non-stop and it's annoying me. No will to do anything, lazying around. I wonder if I'll wake up tonight. Have been waking up in the middle of the night without fail and insomnia has finally hit my bed. I wonder if it is my subconscious worrying. The news of the drop in progesterone has really depressed me and I find myself crying more then I want to about it. A couple of close friends called to ask and I could barely tell them without tears, I was so embarrassed. I'm supposed to be the believer. Oh I believe, I just don't understand, who knows maybe I don't want to.
Oddly enough the temptation to not pray hit me right away. The thought "well it doesn't matter what I pray, God will have His way anyway" flashed through my mind, but not my heart. I didn't believe it in my heart. I will pray for strength and courage and hope. The temptation to question why things just can't be easy for once is there, ready for me to jump at it, but I know it's a trap to feel sorry for myself and at this point in time, I need to hang on to hope and God's love for me.
I will keep on praying, I refuse to give in to the evil one's quick temptation!
You are always in my prayers. I will never say another rosary without praying for consolation for couples experiencing IF, I'm unable to.
Peace of Christ to you.
7 comments:
I will be lifting you up in prayer tonight and asking God to bless your little one.
i'm sending prayers to you! hang in there!
Lots of prayers coming for your little one. Can you get on the injections? Bi-weekly or maybe even every other day?
Keep praying, your prayers ARE being heard and answered.
I too am lifting you up in prayer. Don't forget about your guardian angel and your baby's guardian angel - they can provide immense protection from the evil one.
I'll be praying!
I had a drop in progesterone, too, and it freaked me out. My doctor told me fluctuations are not unusual, and it did increase (though not to the pre-drop level) at my next test. I hope this drop ends up being no big deal--it really upset me when it happened to me, too!
We're all praying for you and your baby, even when you feel that urge not to. Even saying, "God, I leave this in Your hands, just give me strength and peace" is a prayer in itself, though, I think.
Praying for you how is it going?
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