Lately the Lord has been blessing me with His peace and filling me with hope. Finding this community of individuals who share the same beliefs and are passing through the same struggles has been quite encouraging and has helped me accept my current mission. I'd like to see this, my current cross, as a mission from God. I know the Lord gives us a mission, and sometimes this mission isn't to be out there saving the world (plus He's already saved the world :)) and maybe my mission isn't to go to another country and to evangelize and spread the good news. I always thought how great it would be if I could go to a third world country and volunteer for a year or so, but i know in my current situation it isn't possible.
So what mission has the Lord entrusted to me right now?
I spent the weekend on a church retreat and in receiving these catechises I realize that my mission right now is to live this infertile time as a true Christian, a follower of Christ, to hold on to Him and not to feel as though He is doing this to me, rather this is my calling right now. And this calling will help me in my conversion, and God willing, in me finally being able to fully convert will in turn encourage the people around me to do so, people being family, friends, co-workers etc... In me accepting my cross and accepting this mission of being infertile, childless and barren may help others accept their mission.
Pope Benedict said at WYD Australia this past July that "we are Christians not by what we do, but because of what we have received" and thus far I have receive a lot and how can I dismiss all that God has done in my life? I can't. I admit sometimes I take these blessings for granted but that is why I continue to go to my church on Sundays and my church group meetings during the week. If i did not received this word of God at during those times I could easily forget all the Lord has done in my life.
I don't know if God will grant me a child this cycle nor the next or if ever for the matter, but I do know He will console me and love me in my time of sorrow, in my time of weakness as He has always done.
I know this may sound silly but in the movie Mission Impossible, the mission is accomplished, and thinking about it with God on our side, while my mission may sometimes seem impossible, I must remember nothing is impossible with God on my side.
What also struck me and stayed with me from this retreat is that I can't live life for myself anymore that someone is waiting for my conversion so I may be this instrument of God, that they too may hear the Good news, that God loves them how they are, in their weakness, that God loves them in spite of their sins, that He is here to help us up again after we fall, that conversion is constant, and that we are given the opportunity everyday, with our everyday struggles to convert every time.
2 comments:
I have said that IF is the first cross my husband and I have had to carry together as a married couple. I agree with you and am thankful that I too have met such a great group of woman who remind you where to keep your thoughts and support each other through the peaks and valley's of IF. That is not how it is in the real world, that is for sure! I will take the advice that it is all in God's time from an IF woman than from a fertile girl any day! :)
I am probably wearing this out, but I swear I feel like I am apart of something bigger with Napro. I feel like I was lead here and I am apart of something so beautiful, that IF really has been worth it thus far. Napro is so beautiful to me and I think that women are missing out big time! :)
Hence how I referenced IF woman and Fertile girls. Freudian slip? Who knows! :)
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