Some consolation is better then none at all...

Yesterday's Homily consoled me.I can't remember the Priest's exact words but they've left a small peice of joy in my heart. He said something about Mary and her lack of understanding for how God was going to work in her life. He spoke about how Mary doubted God by her wondering how it would be possible for her to conceive if she was a virgin. This answer, the priest said (if i remember correctly) is the same answer we give when God does things in our lives that we can't seem to understand how or why things are the way they are. She, Our Lady, Our Mother, was like us, however she chose to accept the will of God despite not knowing what it meant, despite the fact that she did not understanding WHY or HOW. She said YES every time; She was like me, not understanding His will however I haven't said Yes yet. She endured much suffering as a result of accepting Christ in her heart even without understanding. So what does that mean to me?? That hell yeah it's going to be hard, that my life will face obstacles and struggles, that my suffering will not go away, but that I'm not alone, that there is hope for me yet, that I may not understand but that there IS a greater purposes in this life, that i won't know what this purpse is for a long time but that in time it will be revealed just like Mary, how old was it that Jesus was when He finally completed His mission?? 33 years right?
I have the same option as Mary to say YES or NO everytime at every struggle. I figure if I say yes Christ will help me along the way because He asked me to do this; to accept this suffering for maybe the sake of others just like Mary. I'm no saint, I'm no holy person I'm just me a weak, selfish individual by nature, how am I supposed to just say "yes" and "accept"?? I'm still trying to say yes and sometimes I do and sometimes I'm consoled and then other times it's just not that easy.

That was yesterday after mass.

Later that day I bled red, not brown, red. Later that day I exploded at my husband later that day I got angry at everyone. I kept sayin no to God and His will.

So what now then?? God sent me another word of hope through a friend a message of Christmas for Christmas:

AS WE READ IN ISAIAH: “THE LORD HIMSELF WILL GIVE YOU A SIGN: THE VIRGIN SHALL CONCEIVE AND BEAR A SON, AND SHE WILL CALL HIM EMMANUEL”. (IS 7, 14)

CHRISTMAS IS A SIGN MADE FLESH, AND STILL A SIGN, ONE OF HOPE, OF JOY, OF ETERNAL LIFE,AND, LIKE ALL SIGNS, IT IS LOOKING FOR A PLACE, A HOUSE, WHERE IT CAN BECOME REALITY, HISTORY.

THAT PLACE IS OUR HEART.

Will I be able to say Yes this Christmas? I want to, I don't want to be bitter all the time, I don't want to be angry and resentful. So I'm going to take these words received today and hold on to hope, that is until the next episode. Every little explosion comes with a little consolation if I open my eyes to it. I'm struggling, but there's hope still...