I'm touched by today's gospel. What hit home was when the priest said in his homily: what do you put before the forgiveness and healing of your sins?
Jesus healed the paralyzed man by forgiving him his sins!! He forgave the man's sins first!! What do I seek first before the curing of my heart and my spirtit?? The curing of my physical body!! Today I have realized that this is what I want Jesus to heal, my inability to conceive and have a child. I want him to heal my body first, not forgive me my sins!! What I also realized is that my sins and weaknesses are what really truly make me suffer more then infertility. It is my inability to love my enemy, to love those who do wrong to me, to not accept the other in their weakness, my selfishness, murmuring etc... all of my sins have a lasting affect on my life and the people around me. I need Jesus to forgive my sins first!! Yes, of course this cross of IF makes me suffer! But what makes me suffer more are my sins. My judgements against those whom I cannot love or accept with my whole heart. Jesus' has asked me to love my enemy, my neighbour as He has loved them. For me this is just hard because I can barely accept my self and my sins, imagine the sins of others!! So this is what I need to be praying for first and foremost, before the healing of my body, the forgiveness of my sins so I can love the other and accept them with their faults just as Jesus has done with me.
Another interesting point that touched my heart was when the priest mentioned that the father's of the desert explained why Jesus tells the paralyzed man, after He healed him, to lift up his mat and to take it with him. The mat represents his cross, his sins, the man he used to be and to take it with him so that he can remember to have love and compassion for the other just as Christ has done for Him when he forgave him his sins and healed him. It's so that the paralytic does not forget the wonders that God has done in his life, mainly forgave him and loved him as he was, a sinner.
How amazing was this homily for me today! It was what I needed to hear, to continue in with this Cross of IF, to be consoled with the fact that God is ready to forgive me my sins and that He wants me to focus on healing my heart and spirit first and foremost.
4 comments:
A good confession is so pivital to healing. I am so glad the Lord touched your heart today! I often wonder if I will keep the cross of IF close to my heart once I am a mother, it sounds like the answer is yes.
i've found that forgiving myself has been a bigger cross to bear with IF. i pray every day that god can help me forgive my body for not doing what it is supposed to do. my first year of IF was the hardest. i was so angry with myself because i couldn't get pregnant. since finding napro i've become so much kinder to myself and i know that in god's time that we will have our baby.
that being said, i haven't been to confession in a long time. i've promised myself that i'll go during lent. i don't know why i'm so scared to go, but i know i will feel so much better when i finally do.
This is a beautiful post and I learned the very same thing today! I never understood the gospel message like I did today. You and I had the same reaction. God is showing his mercy on us. I am grateful and a humbled.
I read your post before I went to Mass today and I am so glad that I did.
My Priest explained the paralytic man as paralyzed in fear. Unable to move he was so scared. And his friends of faith were bold, breaking through the roof and carried him to the Lord. Then as my Priest repeated pick up your mat, I was like I get it!! Pick up your cross. Then as he kept saying it, I thought is he speaking to me somehow???
Great gospel today! :) Great post!
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