just thinking kids at 60 is such a waste...

I've been off of work for 3 days now and i'm on my back. I have a chronic lower back pain that spams every now and then. Completely my fault for not going to physiotherapy sooner, so now it's become worse and I can only stand or sit for 5 minutes max. I've spent the past three days lying down on my back. Sucks to be me but it sucks more that it's my fault to begin with for letting my back get this bad. I'm getting no sympathy from anyone.

I wanted to come on here today just to vent about a news report I just saw on TV. A woman of 60 years just gave birth to twins. Was able to do it through IVF but only in India. Canada wouldn't do it because they have an age limit as to when a woman should have children. She used a donated egg and I'm assuming her husband's sperm. She had tried IVF before and it failed she's had complications and until now finally has given birth at 60

All I can think of is she's spent so much time on satisfying her selfish desire of giving birth that she has wasted a good part of her life doing so. Giving birth was more important to her then actually being a mother! When her kids are 10 she'll be 70. How messed up is that. I know that I'm judging her so much right now and I can't help it. All I can think of is how selfish she is! With so many children out there dying to have someone to love them. So many abandon unwanted children, she goes and runs around and spends thousands and tens of thousands of dollars on trying to give birth? The egg was DONATED for goodness sake, it's not even your own egg to begin with! I could go on and on but my back is killing me from all this sitting.  

I must say however that it's made me think of how selfish I'm being of how I've been given so much in my life and how maybe God is calling me to do something selfless. I know it's easier said then done. IF has shown me that there are other children out there in need of parents, someone to love them  just as much as i am seeking a child to hold and love for my own. It just makes me think that how hard it is for us (Me and My H) to adopt because we can only think of us and being satisfied with our own child. It's made me think that God has given us a heart for a reason, a desire for a child for a reason and that it can't always be about me. I don't know if I'm making sense to you, maybe, maybe not, but I am to me. I see how my desire of having a child of my own is a normal desire but the fact that God has given me faith love and hope is an additional tool to go forth and be selfless at some point in my life, to help those children in need.   I'm just thinking out loud right now and I'm not articulating myself properly especially because I'm in physical pain right now but I needed to type this out so that I can give a better thought to these events. I don't mean to judge that woman b/c I know how it is to want a child of my own, out of my own womb, but i don't want to be 60 and still wishing and hoping. I at one point in my life, and hopefully sooner rather then later, need God to open my H's heart and mine so that if I'm not meant to have children come out of me, if I'm not meant to give birth from my own eggs or H's sperm, that we can have the same desire to give birth in our hearts for a child who needs to so badly be loved and cared.