The Lord heals the broken hearted

...and I am broken hearted without the Lord.

It is truly amazing how the Lord does heal the broken hearted. I went to mass yesterday alone. I was really upset with my H. We got in to a huge argument and accepting him the way he is sometimes, along with the way I am, is not easy. I didn't even want to go to mass but the Lord put it in my heart to go. I was lucky enough to find a priest before the Eucharist to do confession. My penance was to listen, to open my heart and pay close attention to the readings and homily. The priest had told me that the Lord had prepared me all week to be there to have the right heart to accept His word and the Eucharist He had prepared for me in this moment in my life. 

Needless to say it was a very consoling Eucharist. I payed extra attention by leaving behind the worries and struggles of my life for the moment just to see what the Lord had prepared for me.

I see how I need Jesus in my life to heal me (obviously) but more than that I see how we are put here to serve others. To do the work of God, to be his messengers and to give to those who are blind, hopeless and so forth, the hope and faith I have received myself. 

I see that by letting my struggle with IF take over me, by being selfish in my marriage, by putting my happiness first before others around me I am not in God's will and therefore I'm just plainly suffering (making my life worse) because I'm doing my will. Doing my will brings on frustration, because I cannot control my life which includes my H, my work, my body amongst many other things. However, if I am in obedience and I open my heart to do His will, then this life, these struggles, my cross will have meaning, a purpose. 

I have receive this good news, that there is Jesus Christ who has come to heal my broken heart, who loves me in my weakness, who loves me where my husband, parents, siblings and friends cannot. Who loves me when I cannot love myself. I have received this great news in my life and I am being called to spread it to others, to bring hope to other people in my life around me who have no hope. Those people who have opened up to me in search for help in their life, that I must speak to them and make it known to them that there is a reason for their life, there is a meaning to their suffering as well and that they will see this when they accept Jesus Christ in their hearts, and that their broken hearts can be healed by this love. 

I see I have to stop wallowing in my own self-pity because this prevents me from being God's instrument to bring hope and faith to others. I must come out of myself and use this Cross and struggles for the greater good. I can no longer be fooled to let this cross weigh me down but to see how it will actually lift me up. That Jesus Christ is not watching us suffer from far but that He is here with us, offering healing to the broken-hearted through His resurrection.To heal not my broken body, but to first heal my broken heart. My heart that has been hurt, disappointed, let down by own self and others. 

As St. Francis said

"For it is in giving that we receive;

  it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

 and it is in dying that we are

 born to eternal life. "